Patriot Report

Patriot Report






Friday, September 19, 2003

Breaking News! Colvin Out for 2003 Season with Broken Hip

The Patriots web site just released this statement:

Patriots star linebacker Rosevelt Colvin, the team's prized free agent signing in an offseason spent upgrading the defense, will miss the rest of the season.

Colvin underwent surgery on Friday to repair a fractured left hip and is expected to make a full recovery. The team will place Colvin on injured reserve, which means he cannot return in 2003.

The complete release can be found here.

Put Me in Coach

Patriot Pre-Season sensation Dan Klecko continues to make more noise in the Patriot ProShop than on the gridiron. The Globe's Nick Cafardo reports Klecko is eager for game action:

He will likely not know until a coach taps him on the shoulder on game day and tells him, "Kid, you're in there," but until that moment, Dan Klecko keeps trying to impress the coaches in practice for a chance to play his first NFL game.

Klecko's father, Joe, was a star defensive lineman with the Jets from 1977-87 and part of the New York Sack Exchange with Mark Gastineau.

Klecko has not dressed in each of the first two Patriots games as part of the 45-man active roster, but that has not stopped the rookie fan favorite from being one of only 12 Patriot players whose replica jersey is sold online at the official Patriot's Proshop.

Patriot Report will be on the lookout for the legions of #90's in the stands Sunday. For their $64.95, let's hope that one #90 sees the field later than August.

Put Off by "Game Presentation"

Patriot owner Robert Kraft is quite optimistic about the 2003 edition of the New England Patriots. Michael Felger of the Boston Herald reports.

Robert Kraft has owned the Patriots for nine full seasons. He's had five playoff teams, two AFC champions and one Super Bowl winner..."The one variable none of us can factor in is injuries, but I think this is one of our best teams at the beginning of the season since we've owned the club,'' Kraft said yesterday. "

Last year's Gillette Stadium opening brought plenty of excitement to Patriot fans, but the crowd noise and home field advantage was nowhere close to the friendly confines of Schaeffer/Sullivan/Foxboro Stadium. Kraft went on to say in Felger's report that fans attending the home opener can expect some changes to the "game presentation'' Sunday.

"We hope that our presentation will help the crowd get into the game. It's really a big help to our players. We're trying to make it as energetic as we can,'' Kraft said. "The closeness and the intimacy of the old place - even with all its drawbacks - helped make it a noisy place. I believe we've set the foundation for the same thing in this stadium, but we need the crowd to get into it.''

The Patriots had a disappointing 5-3 home record last year. The fans should not need "game presentations" to get "pumped and jacked" to quote a former Patriot coach. The 11 players on the field should be enough to get the crowd in the game. Let's hope that after one World Championship, the football fans of New England are not so complacent to need help getting "into the game".

The Patriots might "hate" coach Belichick as Tom Jackson of ESPN contends, but at least they haven't turned a deaf ear to the coach. Out of New York, Johnette Howard reports on trouble with the Jets in the NewsDay.

For a so-called players' coach, Herman Edwards sure has to put up with a lot of popping off from the rank and file....Jets center Kevin Mawae said Wednesday that he was angered and "took it personally" when Edwards ordered Hackett to forget about counting on the Jets' running game midway through last week's loss to Miami because "we're kidding ourselves."...A contrite John Abraham admitted this week that he ignored the defensive coaches' shouts to watch out for a Miami bootleg near the goal line last Sunday - only to have Dolphins quarterback Jay Fiedler run one right by him, all right, all the way into the end zone...Last week, linebacker Sam Cowart confessed he went freelancing, much as Abraham did, and it cost the Jets in their loss to Washington.

The Jets are off to a bad start, but they have beaten the Patriots in the last 5 games in Foxboro including last year's 30-17 loss in week 15. No reason for the Patriots to overlook the Jets in a divisional game. Any talk of a trap game is foolish in week 3 of the NFL when you have a 1-1 record.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Playmaker Out...Tastemaker In

Key Patriot defensive playmaker Roosevelt Colvin is out of this week's AFC East Showdown versus the Jets with a hip injury. No further word is available on the extent of Colvin's absence.

Replacing Colvin is 10 year veteran Willie McGinest out of USC. McGinest played very well in last week's victory with 2 sacks.

McGinest is close friends with Hip Hop Icon Snoop Dogg. Willie and Snoop attended High School together in Long Beach, CA. The Long Beach Poly JackRabbits earned its reputation as the high school that has produced the most NFL players, putting almost 50 players into the NFL according to

The JackRabbits are also home to babe Cameron Diaz and anti-babe Billie Jean King.

Looking for a new tailgate beverage for the Pat's Home opener Sunday? Willie and his good pal Snoop are teaming up with the nation's first tax paying pimp to quench that pre-game thirst.

The Dogon Village News caught up with McGinest and Snoop teaming up to promote VSOP Passion Blend with the pimp turned preacher Archbishop Don Magic Juan.

VSOP Passion Blend is the nation's first malt beverage to combine a blend of cognac with natural flavors. A refreshing alternative to lager beers and the usual malt beverages

"Snoop Dogg and Don Magic Juan define the essence of Very Select Original Premium. As tastemakers, their decision to drink VSOP Passion Blend speaks volumes. It definitely sets our drink apart from the rest," explains Gee Roman, Brand Manager.

Patriot Report does not encourage cognac over-consumption, but remember it is a long walk from the tailgate parking lot to Gillette Stadium. Choose your package of VSOP Passion Blend accordingly.

Targeting hip hop drinkers between 21 and 34, VSOP Passion Blend offers an exciting edge in the realm of malt beverages. Packaged in 6-packs of 12 ounce and 22 ounce bottles

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Hip Hop and Hate

There is no official word yet on the extent of the hip injury to key offseason acquisition, Roosevelt Colvin. Nick Cafado's Patriot Notebook headline reports: Results incomplete, but he may have had dislocation

Colvin was shaken up in the first quarter and helped off the field. He did not return to the game. He had X-rays taken at Lincoln Financial Field and more tests done in Boston.

The Boston Herald's Michael Felger report that Colvin did not dislocate the hip.'s clear that Colvin did not dislocate the hip, which would have put him on the injured list. The injury may be a muscle condition such as a hip flexor. Other possibilities include a subluxation (partial dislocation), bursitis or a sports hernia.

Nick Cafado also has a piece on the ESPN Tom Jackson comments Sunday that the Patriots players "hate their coach"

Yesterday, even the usually unflappable Belichick appeared upset by the comments..."I really wouldn't dignify those comments with any type of response," Belichick said.

Rest assured that this is not going to be a new Lawyergate in the locker room.

Compared with the Lawyer Milloy fallout, this latest "controversy" was a mere blip on the radar screen. reports Cafado.

On ESPN Countdown last night, Jackson amended what he said, noting that perhaps "hate" was too strong, and that he had not talked to any of the players on the team. Jackson says he didn't know his comments would be taken personally by Belichick.

Jackson now reports that the Patriots locker room merely abhor, abominate, can't stand, deprecate, deride, despise, detest, disdain, disfavor, dislike, disparage, down on, loathe, nauseate, object to, recoil from, scorn, shudder at, shun, spit upon, and spurn the SuperBowl Championship Coach.

Jackson went on to suggest that Patriot Coach Belichick explore all possibilities to strengthen the running game by trading for former XFL Las Vegas Outlaw "HE HATE ME".

This AP wire report catches up with "HE HATE ME" down in Carolina.

Signed by Carolina right before the season-opener last season, he led the Panthers in special teams tackles. This year they added kick returning to his duties and Smart delighted Carolina with dynamic special teams play in Sunday's 24-23 victory over Jacksonville.

He blocked a punt that led to a safety with 12:56 to play, had a 43-yard kickoff return and a special-teams tackle for loss.

"I'm a playmaker," "HE HATE ME" said. "I try to make something happen whenever I get around the ball. That's my game plan."

Lack of personal grooming is the latest marketing ploy of "HE HATE ME" 's game plan reports the AP

He hasn't cut his hair in over a year, growing at least a six-inch high Afro. He stopped shaving, giving him a thick and rugged beard. Click here to view the new look.

"HE HATE ME" denied reports that he is negotiating a makeover with the Fab Five on an upcoming episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

Monday, September 15, 2003

A Lawyer, A Priest, and The Patriots on the Money.

The New England Patriots bounced back from the opening day shutout to the Bills with an impressive 31-10 victory over Philadelphia. Nick Cafado has the story of the Patriots getting back on track for the Boston Globe.

The Patriots got thumbs up on both yesterday at Lincoln Financial Field. They left the sour taste of the Lawyer Milloy fiasco where it belonged -- in the past. They put aside all of the nastiness surrounding their team, including ESPN commentator Tom Jackson's declaration that "[the Patriots] hate their coach."

Let's only hope that the Milloy release/tampering affair is over. This soap opera story has lasted longer than Father Geoghan in prison.

The Boston Globe's Bob Ryan still fresh off his Joumana sabbatical was enjoying the Philly Boo-Birds.

Oh, let's not forget the booing: very symphonic to your ears.

Ryan once hesistant to grab a mulligan from Bob Lobel is now handing them out faster than Bill Clinton on the front nine.

First, that business with You-Know-Who is dead and buried. The players can think what they think and feel what they feel about the supposed injustice of it all, but they all knew they had to put all that back business on the shelf and return to the matter of playing proper football. They were allowed one mulligan - one.

If you have a thirst for the negative. Boston Herald's name calling scribe Kevin Mannix finds it in the 31-10 victory over the Eagles.

It certainly wasn't perfect. There were too many passes that could have been intercepted. There were too many Philadelphia receivers running clean in the Patriots secondary. There were too many failed third-down situations.

Vera Wang continues to make more news on the field in Philadelphia than the football Eagles. Frank Fitzpatrick has the report for the Philadelphia Inquirer.

McNabb's inept afternoon looked alarmingly like those that Philadelphians came to expect from quarterbacks in the Eagles' debut season at Veterans Stadium, when Pete Liske and Rick Arrington regularly produced statistics as skimpy as Vera Wang's cheerleading outfits.

McNabb had his worst day as a professional, but rest assured he can still walk the streets of Philly. Former Philadelphia Mayor and Police Chief Frank Rizzo once aptly noted.

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people that make them unsafe."

And finally a quick reference to the Patriot SuperBowl XXXVI season.

I began to have a good feeling on Sunday's game when Walt "Tuck Rule" Coleman was introduced as the referee for the Patriots-Eagles game.

All Patriots fans remember Rule 3, Section 21, Article 2, Note 2 of the NFL rule book:

"...any intentional forward movement of [the passer's] arm starts a forward pass, even if the player loses possession of the ball as he is attempting to tuck it back toward his body."

It looked like we might see the rule invoked on Donovon McNabb's early fumble, but the play was correctly called since the ball slipped out of McNabb's hands.

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  • Description

    One man's take on the Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots and a look at the lighter side of media coverage on the team and the NFL. Parody is not intended as grounds for libel


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